Shame on CBS...Super Bowl Ads Stink of Agenda

This year, the Super Bowl WAS better than the commercials (recapped here). Much better.

The advertising winner was easily the 2nd one to broadc

ast after kickoff: The Betty White Snickers commercial.

Then there were a bunch of nearly literate commercials in which down-trodden thirty-somethings disclose the ugly truth of ealry adulthood. Like guy has baby and realizes he will never have a cool car. Guy has wife and realizes he will never again chase a hot girl. Guy has house and car and wife and baby...and cut to guy hanging from nearby oak tree. You get the point, right?


Isn't enough that Madison Avenue ad agency executives are sipping martinis and quipping about "skirts" during the working hours? Do they have to rub Joe Middle Class' misery into our own, weary faces? All of these commercials, designed to seel soap or cars or candy, are just lovely reminders that most of us (and by us I mean me and, most likely, if you are still reading a blog post from a state college writing professor, you) will spend our lives working too hard for too little. But why?

I don't want to be reminded of such things while I am doing the one thing I actually dream about all week...watching football! Yet, most ads this year seemed to say, "Welcome to the Super Bowl, American men, we hope you enjoy feeling crappy about your lives!"

The rest...even the funny or racy ones, left me flat, bewildered, and....shocker!...kind of angry!

GoDaddy.com, a web domain broker, for some strange reason, elicits Racecar Superbabe Danica Patrick (left) as the centerpiece of scandalous commercials in which eye-candy blondes ultimately rip open their shirts. Seems like a less-than-stellar example of neanderthal marketing? It is, but the GoDaddy commercials evince one of the key differences among networks who broadcast the big game.

Last year, when the Bowl was telecast on Fox, the GoDaddy girls wore string bikinis when the clothes predicatbly popped off. On CBS, this year, they wore modest tank tops. The GoDaddy girls were better covered than Reggie Wayne in the 4th Quarter. I've seen Mormon weddings with more skin. Why? Half-time show '04. Remember Janet, my first name ain't baby, it's Wardrobe Malfunction, Boobie slip if you're nasty? There's your reason. CBS is under the microscope from the Conservative Right, and viola. Beer commercials your grandmother can feel good about.

This, of course, sets up my indictment of CBS. Be ultra-careful with nudity...no problem. I don't mind de-sexing sports. The NFL should maintain a decorum of family viewership. Still, I don't believe CBS' intent was simply protective of American families.

The network flexed its conservative muscle when it green-lit an anti-abortion commercial starring Heisman Winner Tim Tebow and his mom. The message was clear. The organization was clear. Pro-Life. So, take heart and heed all of you suffering inner-city welfare moms and rape victims: your child might also one day grow up to cry after losing the SEC Championship game (left). 

Fine. Again, no problem. Broadcast Pro-Life propaganda without a Pro-Choice rebuttal. What makes this unacceptable is the fact that CBS execs stopped a commercial in which two men touch hands inside a bowl of potato chips. Too racy. Really? For whom? Homophobes in neckwear. The debate over gay acceptance and equal rights is too much for the Super Bowl, but taking a side on abortion is not? Unacceptable. 

It doesn't take Jessica Fletcher or Father Dowling to see what's happening here. CBS used the largest stage in the land to set a creepy conservative agenda, and I hope that this message is touted for more than my five readers, and thank you, again, all five of you. Shame on you, CBS!